Horror Movie Couples – For the Love of Gore

Let’s talk relationships. It is Valentine’s Day after all. So yes, it’s time for the talk. When a man loves a woman, even if that man is dead or that woman is only a head, the birds and bees have sex and the world economy collapses because birbees just aren’t worth what they once were; we’re spoiled today with our ligers, zebroids, and grolar bears (linked so you know I’m not entirely full of shit). Anyway, couples happen. These horror movie couples are not just your typical romances though, it’s the Ultimate Gore-a-thon after all, so these are the gory ones!

There are valuable lessons to be learned from these couples that we can apply to our own relationships this Valentine’s (sarcasm? perhaps). So leave your thoughts in the comments!

For the Love of Gore – Gory Horror Movie Couples

Freddy and Tina are a couple that don’t quite learn to cope with Freddy’s oncoming zombieness. She sticks it out for quite awhile, but when he decides he wants to eat her brain, she realizes it’s time to move on. Personally, I think it’s this little exchange that broke the camel’s back: “See, you made me hurt myself again! You made me break my hand completely off this time Tina! But I don’t care darling, because I love you, and you’ve got to let me EAT YOUR BRAINS!” After that, things get ugly and so does Freddy.

Now let’s take a brief moment to look at the gender difference that the Return of the Living Dead franchise teaches us. Freddy and Tina were in love, Freddy turned into a zombie, and all he wanted was brains. Julie and Curt were in love, Julie died and came back as a zombie, and she still wanted love. Subtle. On the side, Julia kicked some ass and ate some brains. So there’s a lesson for the guys in here somewhere: if your girlfriend’s a zombie, it’s okay that she kicks more ass than you.

Belial and Eve were meant for each other, whether it’s the shimmery rubber-like skin or their shared affinity for dark corners. Alright so maybe it’s the “we’re human-like blobs that look exactly like each other” thing. It just goes to show you that there’s someone for everyone. If you’re wondering why this a ‘gory’ couple: 1) watch the movies and see what Belial is capable of and 2) you’ll need steel wool to scrub that image from your brain. Yes, that’s monster sex. You’re welcome. Just don’t ask what goes where.

While Francesco Dellamorte is busy chasing She, his partner Gnaghi meets and falls in love with Valentina. Unfortunately, she is shortly thereafter decapitated and buried. But since this is no normal cemetery, Valentina comes back to life as just a head, and the two continue their love story as innocently as it began. Well Gnaghi, she’s certainly got a good head off her shoulders.

And now we’re left with the goriest of the gory couples. This is not a story of love, death, and re-love. Nurse McTavish and Father McGruder didn’t meet until they were zombies. But for whatever unexplained reason, while sitting at the dinner table they catch each other’s eye, and the magic happens. By ‘magic’ I mean a purely carnal (and carnivoral) relationship, but at least a little baby boy comes of it.